Wednesday, March 26, 2008

Stuff You Need (But Probably Didn't) Know!

When my stomach was much younger, my favorite beverage was Stolichnaya. There was a time when I only thought it had been created to help us forget the bad days and long nights. Little did I realize there was lots of other medicinal information contained in that clear liquid.

For example:

1. To remove a bandage painlessly, saturate the bandage with vodka. The stuff dissolves adhesive. (No gain, no pain.)

2. To clean caulking around bathtubs and showers, fill a trigger-spray bottle with vodka, spray the caulking, let set five minutes and wash clean. The alcohol in the vodka kills mold and mildew.

3. To clean your eyeglasses, simply wipe the lenses with a soft, clean cloth dampened with vodka. The alcohol in the vodka cleans the glass and kills germs. (Life becomes clearer.)

4. Spray vodka on wine stains, scrub with a clean brush, and blot dry. (Then suck on the towel.)

5. Using a cotton ball, apply vodka to your face as an astringent to cleanse the skin and tighten pores. (Beats after shave.)

6. To relieve a fever, use a washcloth to rub vodka on your chest and back as a liniment.

7. Vodka will disinfect and alleviate a jellyfish sting. (Hurray)

8. Pour vodka over an area affected with poison ivy to remove the urushiol oil from your skin. (Urushiol is an oily toxic irritant present in poison ivy.)

9. Fill a sixteen-ounce trigger-spray bottle with vodka and spray bees or wasps to kill them. (A shame to waste on bees and wasps.)

10. Add a jigger of vodka to a 12-ounce bottle of shampoo. The alcohol cleanses the scalp, removes toxins from your hair, and stimulates the growth of healthy hair. (I'll get back to you on this one.)

11. Swish a shot of vodka over an aching tooth. Allow your gums to absorb some of the alcohol to numb the pain. (This is one of my favorites.)

NOTE: If none of the above don't work, then SHAKE BUT DON'T STIR, and sip gently.